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Archive for June, 2011

Happy Summer Solstice!!!

We are now in the time of the South! The time of fire, of joy, passion. creativity, abundance. The time of mid day and the time to be oh so grateful for the Sun!!!

This is a very special day in my traditions.

And on that note, I wanted to share a little bit more about my spiritual self with the WordPress world.

Below is a letter in response to an old highschool friends inquiry about my beliefs and stance as a self identified Pagan.

Enjoy!

Let me know your thoughts!

Blessed be on this day and always!!! Here’s to a gentle and beauty-filled journey into the South!

Aho Mitakyue Oyasin (all my relations)!

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Hello Melissa!

It just occurred to me not long ago that I never wrote you back in regards to your inquiry about paganism…So now I finally am going to. :)Yes I do identify as begin Pagan…well…what I usually say to describe my spiritual self is that I am “agnostic in beliefs and Earth-based in practice”.

But before I talk about what I believe in, I wanted to say that yes, your ideas about paganism (or any earth based religions) are correct…it is mostly all about love and beauty. :)

The other day I actually stumbled upon the best description of paganism I have read in The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho that I am reading. Here it is:

“According to pagan tradition, nature worship is more important than reverence for sacred books. The Goddess is in everything and everything is part of the Goddess. The world is merely an expression of her goodness. There are many philosophical systems-such as taoism and buddhism-that make no distinction between creator and creature People no longer try to decipher the mystery of life but chose instead to be a part of it. There is no female figure in taoism or buddhism, but there too the central idea is that ‘everything is one’.

In the worship of the great Mother, what we call ‘sin’, usually a transgression of certain arbitrary moral codes, ceases to exist. Sex and customs in general are freer because they are parts of nature and cannot be considered to be the fruits of evil.

The new paganism shows that man is capable of living without an institutionalized religion, while still continuing the spiritual search in order to justify his existence. If God Mother, then we need only gather together with other people and adore her through rituals intended to satisfy the female soul, rituals involving dance, fire, water, air, earth, songs, music, flowers, and beauty.”

I really really liked that description…think it paints paganism in a very clear way.

But yes…every pagan has their own beliefs and practices, which is why I feel that paganism is so neat. It really is up to your own interpretation and honoring the truth that each individual resonates with. Even though it is very individualistic, by tapping into these beautiful spiritual traditions, customs and ways of being you are intrinsically interconnected to every being who has ever walked a similar path. Typing that reminds me of a song that I have been taught through ceremony:

“I walk a path of beauty, walk a path my ancestors laid out before me…
I make a path of beauty hold my visions, roll my dreaming out before me…”

Here is a short synopsis of my beliefs. I could write about this for eons…but I will give you an idea.

I believe in all that is seen. I believe in the beauty and power of the Earth, of the Trees, the Ocean, the Wind, in Fire. I believe in the goodness of people and the great work that they do when their intentions are full of pure love. I believe that we all come from the same Source and cannot be separated from this Source, therefore we are all Sacred, and everything that has ever been created is Sacred. Our bodies are cut from the same cloth of the Earth, and we are Sacred flesh.

I believe in all that is unseen. That energy is what connects us, motivates us, hurts us, surrounds us, makes us who we are. I believe in guides, in our ancestors that never leave us, in the spirit of animals, angels, and the stars. I believe that there is no such thing as time or space…only the present moment that encompasses all of life. I believe in magic and the power of love, light and positive thoughts, or prayer. I believe that gratitude is the foundation for magic to bloom.

I believe that life is about discovering our strengths through successes and trials-both of which hold equal value. I believe our purpose in being human is to use and enjoy our senses to the fullest, and never take any moment, connection, or experience for granted.

I do NOT believe that we come from a male god. Nor do I believe that any one book, person, or dogma should determine what is right or wrong for our lives or what we should believe in. I do not believe that there is one right pathway to God, the Truth, enlightenment, etc. I believe that there are as many ways to this was there are souls. I do not believe in evil or satan. I do believe in balance however, though not in Dark VS light…but that light and dark are the perfect compliments and cannot exist without the other.

I believe in reincarnation. I believe in astrology. I believe in turning to archetypes or Gods or Goddesses for guidance and healing. I believe in the power of ritual to transform and initiate. I believe in gathering together in groups to amplify energy and intentions. I believe in circles. I believe and trust in the cycles of life, the Earth, and my own body.

I do not have any answer for where we came from and where we are going…and I don’t think I ever want to. Having an explanation for these mysteries of life would take away all the beauty in the uncertainty of what it means to be human.

In paganism, there are no exact “right” or “wrong” ways or thoughts. There are no “rules” except DO NO HARM. Most pagans believe in the law of karma, and that anything you do to others, positive or negative, will be done times 3 unto you.

The word Pagan means “of the Earth” or more commonly used to describe “country dwellers”. Pagans traditionally honor the Wheel of The Year which consists of 8 sacred holy days, or Sabbats. These are the Summer and Winter Solstices, Fall and Spring Equinoxs, as well as 4 other sacred days Beltane (May Day), Samhain (Halloween), Lammas, and Imbolc. All of these days are rooted back into the Earth and honor the harvest and the earth’s abundance. The traditions, rituals, and myths associated with each day are so beautiful and fascinating.

Pretty much everything in Christianity has been stolen from the Pagans. Even Christ. For example….according to pagan myth, Yule, or Winter Solstice , or Christmas, is when the “Light Child”, or Christ, is reborn every year in winter, bringing peace and love to the world. And Easter is traditionally the celebration of the Goddess Eostre who is seen with colored eggs and bunnies which all represent fertility. Eostre/ostara is the spring equinox which celebrate’s new life…sound familiar?

All the beautiful traditions were stolen from the pagans…given more emphasis on a mortal man, on sin, and sacrifice and then repackaged and branded with the name Christianity. It’s really quite ridiculous. If only most Christians new that their holy tradition of “blood and body of christ” is actually a very common communion and ritual in pagan ceremonies where bread and wine are passed around to bless each person so that they “may never hunger or thirst”.

However there are definitely some pagans that honor Jesus, and people that Identify as Christian Pagans. However, I feel that those who aren’t too tainted by the damage and destruction Christianity has done to them and the world honor Jesus as an archetype…honor his message of love and peace…and really get his Christ Consciousness that so many “Christians” have forgotten. I know that I, and many others, honor the bible as a great book filled with some fantastic myths and morals…but that’s where my reverence of that book ends.

I feel that most people start to turn to Paganism or Earth Based practices when they realize that they have been force fed some misinterpreted bullshit their entire lives…and are finally waking up to the beauty and sacredness of the world that surrounds them which is far too Great and Holy to be governed by one dogma or doctrine. Women especially turn to paganism once they realize their body is not a sinful, toxic, worthless bag of cells…but a beautiful, sacred, abundant manifestation of the Earth, Herself.

Okay…well wow there you have it. Annie’s Paganism 101. Ha ha! That is a lot to take in. if you have any questions or thoughts please do let me know…I would sooooooo love to talk more with you about this. :)

As far as books go…again, there is no one set book with rules or guidelines. In wicca and pagnism there is often a Book of Shadows which each witch and priestess gets to write herself…which i think is such a neat concept.

But here is a good reading list to start with:

The circle Within by Dianne Sylvan, The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan…anything by Dianne Sylvan really…The Spiral Dance or anything by Starhawk…Scott Cunningham wrote a lot about Wicca/Paganism….however I would probably avoid his stuff starting out…I honestly feel a lot of it is out of date and is not so ethically sound.

I would also really really recommend picking up Paulo Coelho’s The Witch of Portobello to start. Such a beautiful and accurate (though a work of fiction) description of what it means to honor the Divine Feminine and to honor your own truths. :)

I am excited to see that you are on a path to find your own Truths. Please let me know if there is anything that i can do to assist you in this journey!!!

Blessed be!

~Annie

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And since my body is being a source of frustration…here’s to remembering these words I wrote to empower it…and a poem that has the same namesake as this blog. 🙂

Fertile Ground…

My body is fertile ground.

She is a sacred garden

Where roses of inspiration

And daffodils of creation bloom.

She is as vast as the Great Ocean-

Water and blood ebbing and flowing

As Her waves and cycles 

Entrain with the moon and the tides

Waxing and waning

Rising and releasing…

Her outstretched limbs and cells

Sway and bend with the winds-

Ever changing

Yet never breaking

Or straying from Her deep roots.

My body is a curving illuminated labyrinth

And Her heart is the center-

The petaled jeweled place

Of stillness and Love

Where all of life is born and returns.

My body, She is sacred and fertile ground…

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I was hoping for a much happier, up beat and grateful first blog post…but unfortunately that’s not the state I am in today.

Today I am frustrated. Sad. Angry. Exhausted.

All this is due to this physical form that I am in that continually gives me problems and more pain than anyone should have to endure.

I treat my body very well. I try my hardest to unconditionally love my body. I try my hardest to work through my emotional crap and karma so that my body doesn’t have to take the brunt of it…but it never seems to be enough.

For the past two days I have been completely bed ridden because my uterus feels as  though it has more destructive energy than an atomic bomb. My pelvis feels as though it is full of molten lava. This is an issue that has been going on almost every month for a year and a half.

I have had ultrasounds…inflammation blood tests….exams…tried darn near every herb and supplement out there…taken pain pills…and still have never found any relief or reason for my pain.

This period has been the worst one in quite a while…if not the worst ever. This could perhaps be due to the fact that I recently started on Progesterone, because due to the results of the Adrenal Stress Index test I just took (that will probably be another blog at another point!) my body produces very little progesterone-the hormone that is responsible for female cycles and ovulation. This does make sense considering I do have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.

But for the record…this is not just pain. This is all encompassing and debilitating torment and misery that renders me complete incapable of taking care of myself, standing up right, doing anything but lying down, and sometimes barely able to breathe. I truly feel like I am giving birth and having contractions and labor pains. Last night I had to scream through the pain. Though once it finally ceases to enslave my cells, I have nothing but a weak body that feels like it has been beat up and run over by a truck.

This morning I totally lost it. My phone was dying. I had to miss Portland Pride this weekend, including the parade. I woke up still in pain and alone, unable to care for myself. I try my hardest to not have self pity or to dwell on the negative, but god damn, after 24 hours or sheer exhaustion from writhing in pain I felt that breaking down into tears was my my only option.

I cried for over an hour. I cried from utter frustration. Why me?! Why must I constantly struggle with a body that I do my best to honor as sacred?! Why can’t I take care of myself?! Why must everything cost so damn much to fix?! Why can’t I just be able to take the serious time off that I need to recover and truly address my physical concerns?! Why is it so unfair?! Why doesn’t anything help me?! Why?! Why?!?!?! WHY?!

My head and body are still sore from crying. Crying and sobbing hurt my abdomen but I had no choice. Jen, my partner, came home from work and I cried some more. The more I talk about this the more, even though  I feel too exhausted to shed another tear, the more the tears begin to well up.

I feel completely helpless.

I am a firm believer in physical ailments being simply a metaphor for an emotional or spiritual issue. I have known this to be true and have even been told that this is the case for myself. However I truly feel that I have done such hard deep work….and gone to the very core of these issues….but after a certain point I find it hard to imagine that this is because something I have not yet worked through.

I will say that there are lessons to be learned through all this pain. It makes me lay down and stop whatever I am doing…which I truly have a hard time doing. Up until recently, until my adrenals gave me no other choice, I lived a far too fast paced life, taking on far more than any one mortal could. So my body makes me slow down. However…I think I could certainly learn this lesson without the debilitating pain…though maybe not. Also, last night when I was having what I imagine to be similar if not worse than labor contractions, all I kept thinking was “What am I giving Birth to?” I do not have an answer for this. This is something that I know I will have to really look at and investigate.

But I must admit that it is very frustrating to keep hearing that I just need to keep working through my issues….loving myself more…accepting my fertility and femininity…because I am doing the best that my soul can  do. I have seriously shifted my perceptions on menstruation and plan on doing a lot of academic work on the subject…so I am doing my part.

On the other hand I am also very frustrated with being told I need to turn to allopathic medicine…be loaded on pain pills….make my body feel more toxic than it already is…cut things out…etc. I don’t feel that this is an option for me. Western medicine has a time a place…but my past experience tells me that it will only further irritate and aggravate my very sensitive body.

So needless to say…I’m feeling lost. I’m feeling helpless. And darn near hopeless.

I’m going to try to get back into my new Naturopath tomorrow…and really try and figure out some kind of game plan because I cannot…physically cannot go through another month of this. I truly feel right now that if I have to go through another bought of horrid pain that I will go into shock or into a coma.

But after these two days of being bed ridden…I feel a little lost. I feel totally unlike myself.

So here’s to recovery…to self re-discovery…and to a brighter pain free future.

Thanks for reading. I truly hope no one reading this. or anyone for that matter will ever have to endure this misery.

Aho Mitakyue Oyasin. (All my relations)

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Hello dear wide WordPress World!

My name is Annie. And this blog is titled “Fertile Ground”.

I created this blog because I realized I needed an outlet for my writing. I have a site where I only post poetry…but not a site where I can just post my raw and sometimes untamed thoughts. I haven’t had a blog in years and decided that it was time for me to have one again.

I think that blogs are a lot of fun. I love connecting with random souls all over the planet and having my words, thoughts and experiences validated by others…and being able to give the same gift  back.

The title of this blog is “Fertile Ground”. It orginally was titled “iterluxperpetua” which is latin for “journey of perpetual light”. I feel that both titles give insight into who I am…but I think “Fertile Ground” is what I am wanting to cultivate here.

And in honor of this title, here is a poem I wrote to introduce myself and to explain what “fertile ground” means to me…

Wholeness…

I am woman.

I am not a frail flower

That bends and breaks with the wind.

I am a reslilient sturdy tree

With deep roots and long limbs

That will stand strong

And endure any storm.

I am woman.

My life is fertile ground.

And I will nurture the seeds of my ambition

And let them bloom into fruition.

I am woman.

Mothering myself into round fullness

Creating and recreating

With the cycles of the emanate moon.

I am fertile and feminine.

My own hero and archetype.

Maiden, Mother and Crone.

I am woman.

I am whole…

Blessings! And thank you for reading. 🙂

~Annie

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